Everyone At Emerson A Little Disappointed Little Building Didn’t Burn To The Ground



On Wednesday afternoon, Emerson students and faculty alike came to terms with the fact that they are somewhat disappointed at the fact that Little Building didn’t burn down.

“I mean, it would have saved on the costs of demolition, and the insurance money would be nice” Lee Pelton was reported to be saying. When asked about the displacement of hundreds of students the President declined to comment.

When a passing student, Sally Gruenberger, ‘18 was asked to comment she said: “It would mean they’d have to give us something else than DH” The surrounding crowd echoed the sentiment.

“It’s just a shame, they made us stand here and brought all the fire trucks here for nothing,” Karl Strauss ‘20 said in response to being asked about his first fire scare at Emerson.

The Emerson robocall had this to say: “Fire gone. No need fear.”

Allegations that Pelton himself tried to start the fire to collect on the insurance money have been leveled but unsubstantiated. More as this develops.

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