Imagine my surprise as I was sitting in a Walker bathroom. No, it was not because a person of the opposite gender was dropping a turd right next to me. I’m very progressive in that way. It was because my hand had just dipped into the toilet water.
A cold shudder ran down my spine. No amount of hand washing could fix this. I would simply have to cut my hand off. No doubt in my mind.
But now that I’ve stanched the bleeding, as I sit here typing this — albeit very slowly — I’ve had more chance to reflect. I’ve never made this mistake before. I didn’t dip my hand any lower than usual. The water in the Walker bathrooms feels higher than it used to. It feels higher, right?
Typically I’m able to wipe without my fingers touching the water, but this was not the case today. What gives, Walker toilet? Why is your water level higher than usual?
We need to have a conversation about the water levels in the Walker building. It’s not right that hardworking Emerson students have to lop off an appendage purely because the Walker building decided to have more water for you to poop in.
I’m sure whoever made this decision meant no harm, but somebody has to answer for this increased quantity of liquid in the bowl. Even the Little Building is able to keep the water level at a manageable amount, and that building was maybe on fire earlier this week.
How am I supposed to continue to innovate in communications and the arts with a hand full of shit water? Somebody’s got to sort this out, and I’m looking at you Einstein Brothers. We never had this problem when it was EmCafe.