Senior Loses It And Kills Freshman Who Hit 2 On Elevator

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The back not-so-secret elevator in the Walker building was a bloodbath Thursday morning after an Emerson senior finally lost it and brutally killed a completely able-bodied freshman who tried to get off at the second floor.

“He just had the crazed look in his eyes, and a piece of the kid’s nose stuck in his teeth,” junior journalism major Bobby Admas told Lion’s Tooth. “It was like he’d had his third coffee, but it was only 11 in the morning.”

According to eyewitnesses, the elevator left the rear lobby completely clean of blood, but when it arrived at the sixth floor, the freshman was in 19 different pieces and the walls were covered in blood and organ tissue.

Campus was alerted to the situation via an Emerson Emergency Notification System alert, and classes all across the Boylston-Tremont intersection were interrupted by ringing phones from both Emerson and concerned suburban parents.

No names have been released yet, but ECPD did address media earlier this afternoon.

“It’s tragic that this happened on our campus,” said a spokesperson for ECPD. “It’s unfathomable that somebody could think it was acceptable to behave in this way, and try to take the elevator to the second floor. Some people are just so inconsiderate when there are stairs right there.”

The spokesperson also said that no charges would be pressed against the senior as his actions were completely understandable. ECPD advised that people don’t attempt copy-cat style killings, as they could only pay for cleanup so many times.

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