Students Asked To Stop Smearing ‘The Beacon Lies’ In Blood On Walls Of School Bathrooms

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Emerson College Police and Emerson Facilities released a statement on Thursday asking students to kindly refrain from smearing ‘The Beacon Lies’ in blood on the school’s bathroom walls.

“Please, we know it’s tempting. But please. This has to stop,” begged Restroom Sanitation Supervisor Mark Kaberr.

According to ECPD’s records, the amount of incidents in which somebody has plastered those three arguably true words upon the walls of the college’s bathrooms was estimated to be between 15 and 20 this semester alone.

Emerson Police veteran Dave Strombundi who has lead the case which is investigating this string of understandable but still illegal vandalism wrote the following statement:

“Students. Listen. The entire police department is aware of the countless times the Beacon not only lied but goofed, omitted, blundered,  erred, neglected, passed over,  misquoted, misconstrued, miscalculated, muffed, misspelled, stretched the truth, or otherwise just proved to be a piss poor news source from top to bottom, but– uh, where was I? Right. The bathrooms. Cut it out guys.”

At press time, ECPD officers were being flooded with reports of the phrase ‘Social Media is Huge’  seen written in gasoline fueled flames near the Boston Common gazebo.

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