Emerson Facilities Responds To Reports Of Fully Functional Elevator

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Emerson Facilities staff was forced to dig deep through the manuals when they received astonishing reports of a fully functioning elevator.

“This is unlike anything we’ve ever seen,” exclaimed elevator supervisor Brian Denson. “Every floor. At the push of a button. Doesn’t get stuck. Holy shit.”

Students were additionally surprised when the arrived at their respective classrooms Wednesday morning on time- some even 1-2 minutes early.

This puzzling, seemingly paradoxical phenomenon had maintenance workers baffled at what to do next.

“Should we just…leave it there?” asked Mateo Rodriguez.

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