CIA Finally Confirms Russia’s Involvement In DH Chair Repaints


With recent CIA findings pointing to the heavy influence of Russian hackers in this year’s presidential election, it seems the fate of democracy itself is under attack in America. And though this problem seems much bigger than we as mere college students can grasp at, the findings also revealed ties between Russia and our very own Boston campus.

“It is without a doubt that Russian Hackers influenced the decision to repaint the chairs in this dining hall with a wide range of bright and ugly colors,” reported CIA Director John Brennan in a campus press conference this past Friday, “We are truly living in dark times, folks.”

As many of you might recall, members of the student body returned during the last few weeks of August either as OLs or RAs, only to find the chairs in the dining hall repainted with a variety colors including hot pink and neon green. And when many of you took to social media with disparaging posts, it became clear that the overwhelming consensus was not in favor of the change. It was only when everyone else returned that reality sunk in, proving to be a chilling omen for a much larger problem later on.

With this haunting revelation now providing insight on how this strange decision was made, members of the Emerson community have already stepped forward with petitions and plans to protest. Currently, the hashtag #NotMyDHChairs has already made its ways around the Twitter feeds of hundreds of Emerson students and faculty.

We here at Lion’s Tooth are certainly of the opinion that everyone’s voices should be heard and taken into consideration as we approach what is already shaping up to be a strange presidency. And we certainly hope the next time Emerson makes a brash decision like this one, no one choice finds more influence than the other.


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