This afternoon, four tolerant Emerson students ripped apart a total dumbass plebeian jock following their marketing class.
“Look at that oaf walking out with his big club in his backpack,” said open-minded and accepting sophomore Sara Caruthers, between wheezing laughter. “What’s he gonna do after this? Go hit a ball?”
“Probably. What a dunce!” echoed progressive junior Peter Lilienthal, who supports people of all cultures. “Must be tough not being the king of your school anymore, huh guy? That asshole probably has a bag of rocks for a brain. How did even get into Emerson in the first place?”
“It’s obvious,” answered one of the 2015-2016 Diversity Award winners junior Emily Doerring. “Since he’s good at kicking the puck around they probably gave him a full-ride athletic scholarship. No wonder tuition is going up for real students like us.”
At press time, the student-athlete was stopping for a quick snack in the dining hall, before attending three consecutive meetings for WERS, EIV, and AMA Emerson, and then three hours of volunteer work for the Emerson FACE Lab.