On Thursday afternoon, the Steven Plofker and Bobbi Brown gymnasium filled up to capacity with Emerson students who intended on meeting with perspective employers at the annual career and internship fair.
Dunder Mifflin Inc. proved to be the only table that got absolutely no attention through the entire four hour event.
“It makes no financial or logical sense,” elaborated senior account Oscar Martinez as he reflected on he and his three colleagues making the 300 mile trip from western Pennsylvania to downtown Boston. “I can’t say I blame these students for walking right by us. However, I can blame these students’ parents for allowing them to attend this money pit of an institution, subjecting them to years of debt.”
Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton location is one of eight branches, all located in the Northeast region of the United States, with corporate headquarters in New York City. Despite the inspiration said to be provided by the blank sheet of paper on their otherwise empty table, the company totally struck out in interesting even a single perspective intern.
“This school is totally lame. Do we even want these kids near the office? I really didn’t think we’d have a problem getting a couple of interns for the summer. This is way harder than I thought it would be.” Explained Regional Manager Michael Scott.
“That’s what she said,” added Scott.
Of the four representatives of the mid-sized paper company present Thursday, warehouse foreman Daryl Phillbin was the most optimistic.
“None of these kids are warehouse material. But any excuse to put on a tie, I’m gonna do it.”
At press time, receptionist Pam Beasley was speaking on her flip phone with eventual husband Jim Halpert, asking about how his golf course sales pitch was going.