Global Warming Prevented But Only At Emerson College


Emerson’s Green Gala was a HUGE success this year! How successful? A second ozone layer literally formed around Emerson’s campus.

“Wow- what an incredible turnout!” said Dalia Kahlil. “We were able to raise enough money and awareness to annul the effects of global warming on campus.”

Although the concerns brought fourth by climate change are daunting, the Emerson community stepped up and recycled their way to make their particular portion of the Earth totally free from rising sea levels, polluted air or other ecological conundrums.

“Yeah we’re pretty much fine,” said Emerson Recycle Mania organizer Jen Haliene. “As a school our initial goal was to reduce our carbon footprint and reach climate neutrality while promoting local and global environmental education and awareness, and to institutionalize sustainability into the fabric of the College community by 2030. But honestly? We did our part. I’d say our work here is done.”

At press time, the humans of planet Earth not currently within Emerson’s environmentally proficient boundaries weren’t holding up their end of the bargain.


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