On Wednesday, Benjamin Bruber ’17 marched down to the Piano Row campus center to pick up his six allotted graduation tickets. The thing is, he only needs three.
“I saw all the begging on our silly little Facebook group. I pity them, I really do,” said the graduating WLP major who could easily make somebody’s life so much easier by allowing them to have their mom, dad, step-mom, grandparents, two sisters, cousin and uncle attend their special day. “Truth is? I just get such an adrenaline rush watching these things turning into ash.”
22-year old Bruber even went out of his way to dish out a few bucks on a Bic lighter at 7-Eleven to set those suckers aflame.
“Burn, baby. Burn,” said Bruber to himself. “Nobody’s gonna be able to attend graduation with you now. Not by a long shot.”
At press time, the senior’s mom called to say that Auntie Jodie was now planning on coming.