Sean Spicer Turns Down Job At Emerson, Calls Housing Situation “Ridiculous, Even By My Standards.”


Newly-unemployed communications expert Sean Spicer is in high demand these days. Just days after resigning his post as White House Press Secretary, the heartthrob is being overwhelmed with job offers from corporations, all hoping to capture his ability to eloquently communicate with the press. But while we don’t know who will emerge victorious in the race to hire this singular talent, we do know one job he WON’T be taking.

That’s right. Spicer confirmed Monday that he has rejected an offer to become Emerson College’s new Director of Communications.

“While Emerson made me a very tempting offer, I simply refuse to go in front of the press and defend a plan that has not been carefully considered.”

It’s hard to blame Emerson for wanting some PR help. The college has recently been in the news for its completely self-inflicted housing shortage. A seasoned professional like Mr. Spicer is exactly what the school needs to repair its reputation. But it wasn’t to be.

“I wish Emerson all the best. I hope they’re able to solve their housing problem. But at the end of the day, I’m not going to put my reputation on the line defending something like that. You have to some integrity”

At press time, Spicer had accepted a job as an underwear model for Hanes’ new fall collection.

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