By: Malcolm Kelner
Notable Emerson drug dealer Gavin Lupo is reportedly starting to worry about his future reputation.
Sources tell us the sophomore film major, whose Little Building dorm room is the “on-campus one-stop shop” for marijuana, molly, cocaine, and Adderall (thanks to his prescription from a bullshit ADHD diagnosis), has begun to think about life after college and how his illegal and possibly felonious activities could affect him down the road.
“The other day I had a ‘come to Jesus moment’ about dealing,” said Lupo, who doesn’t believe in God.
“I realized, like, once I become a famous director someday, am I gonna be known as the guy who used to deal in college? I mean, nowadays with the internet, anyone who gets jealous of me could put that out there and ruin me.”
“I’m a marketing minor too, so I know that image is everything.”
Lion’s Tooth reporters asked Lupo if his recent trepidations would cause him to stop dealing.
“Woah, woah, woah,” Lupo assured. “Come on now, all I said is I might be kind of concerned about it.”
“A guy’s got to grind to make his money somehow,” added the upper middle-class suburban Connecticut resident, whose parents pay his Emerson tuition in full, without a cent of scholarship money or loans.
At press time, Lupo was giving the cute girl down the hall a slight discount on Percosets to try to get her to hook up with him.
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